Self Titled (2002)

Self Titled
(2002)
LV1

Kneel - vocals, acoustic guitar, keyboards, banjo
Arthur Joseph - drums
The Shawn - vocals, toys, percussion, 
electric guitar
Flossie - vocals, noise, laughing
Dikko - Trombone, Piano Skeleton
Jon Sebastian - Bass, Vocals
Mallon - bass, electric guitar
Awan - vocals, snoring
Tev - wrote lyrics

 

1. The Mommy Womp Stomp

This song womps kiss my ass
Our whole womping band has no womping class
Don't ask why I like wompin' Apple Jacks
That's like asking why your mom likes 
smokin' crack
Don't get me wrong I like your mom a lot
I saw her naked twice and she's wompin' hot
This song womps, but that's too bad
They can't all be great, just ask your wompin' dad
It's the Mommy Womp Stomp baby!

2. The Day That The Fungus Caught Up With My Foot

That was the day that the fungus caught up with my 
    foot
makes it itch like crabs or mosquito bites
I don't mean to start a fight with you
Just keep that fungus out of my shoe

That was the day that the fungus caught up with my 
    foot
Shouldn't have let the fungus grab onto my foot
I don't know what's going on
I just put someone else's socks on

And now I've got fungus on the foot
Maybe it was when the fireplace was overflooded with 
    soot
And some of it got on my foot
Maybe it was in the gym shower
Or running around in Mr. Wilson's flower bed or
Maybe it was when I kicked you in the head

That was the day the fungus caught up with my foot
Get me some tough-actin' Tinactin for my foot
Get me some cream for my foot
Get me some love for my foot

3. Who Is Driving?

Who is driving?
Oh God!
Bear is driving!
How can that be?

4. Zoe the Sequel

See that girl with the real nice face
She's the one who sprayed me with the mace
I asked if there was something we could do
She misunderstood and hit me with a shoe

Zoe I'm still in love with you
And I don't know what to do
You've got me cryin' over you
And I'm feeling mighty blue

You're throwing hot soup in my face
You're filling my eyes with mace
I'm sippin' gin and drinkin' juice
After you I've got nothing to lose

5. Serpent Dreams

I wanna live the snake life
Belly to the ground
Smelling the air with my tongue

Slithering around
Scared children run
Curious kids pick me up
I don't bite
Look into my eyes
See past my scales
Confront my honest snake soul

Yes, I eat live mice
Yes, I shed my skin
Yes, I spent last winter in your basement
No, I can't climb the stairs
No, I didn't lay the snake egg behind the 
    washing mashing

Maybe I fell in love with the garden hose
Maybe I live the snake life

6. Papa's Eating Broccoli

Papa's eating broccoli
Mama's eating Kashi

7. Karate Kid William

8. Pecan Sandy

Who's gonna feed the bleeding babies?
It won't be their mothers
They threw tear gas at their mothers
It won't be their sisters or brothers
They can't feed each other
I want to feed the bleeding babies

Who's gonna hold the bleeding babies?
It won't be their mothers
They shot rubber bullets at their mothers
It won't be their sisters or brothers
They can't hold each other
I want to hold the bleeding babies

Who's gonna change the bleeding babies?
It won't be their mothers
They don't like the smell of dirty diapers
I want to change the bleeding babies

9. Lovesick Sniffles

I like your smile, I like your dress
Thinking about it makes me a mess
I like your eyes, I like your shirt
Thinking about it makes my feelings hurt

I've got a bad case of the lovesick sniffles
And if feels like you just hit me
With a metal whiffle ball bat
So take out your jumper cables
And wake my heart from its nap

I like your hips, I like your shoes
Been lyin' here so long I forgot how to move
I like your hands, I like your skirt
My heart's broken, so it can't hurt

10. To The Girl I Never Knew

You've got a hole in your heart
I've got this hole in my brain
You've got my heart tattooed on your tit baby

I wish I could tell you how I feel, but I don't
Instead I pull your hair, I step on your feet
I spit in your eye then I go home to sleep
I scream at you when the morning comes
I kick you in the ass when night falls

I guess that was stupid of me
That won't get me anywhere

But past that we've had our moments
Little moments that meant a lot to me

Like the time you cried in front of me
About a little tragedy
I wanted to show my affection
But I knew you wouldn't pay attention

Oh no
There's got to be a way
Maybe someday I'll let you know

11. The Dying Breed Bore Children Today

12. Circle In The Moon

There's a circle in the moon
And I watch it from my room
Very pretty high above the city
There's a circle in the sun
And I think it's someone like you

Up in the sky there's a guy who lives in the moon 
    and he's fly and he wears a flashy tie
He's a circle in the moon and he's looking for room
    once a year and makes love to lonely women and 
    he spreads his loves around and he lives in 
    apartments that he sublets from the client that 
    found him in a bar. Actually it was a brothel, 
    but it was next to a bar.

When will he come back
Mr. guy from the moon
Mr. circle of the moon
Won't you fly back to my room
And grace me with your presence
Once again I would like to be your girlfriend
Let me have your children
We'll raise them together and they'll call you papa
Papa circle moon
It has a nice ring to it
If you don't like it
They can just call you dad.

ENTER THE BROOMSTIK
2004
LV30

Neil Kelly, Dashan Coram, Flossie Arand, 
Arthur Joseph, Dibson T. Hoffweiler, Brer Brian, 
Monica Samalot, Chris Maher

Featuring: Dina Lery played flute on #6, 
Kelly Szott played violin on #6, Dibs and Prewar 
Yardsale were the "choir" on #6, Andrew Singer 
played violin on #11 & #12, G. Lucas Crane did 
something with cassettes on #10, Luke Kelly 
sang on #12

1. Contractual Laundry

I had a bad seizure pull down the lever
Chicken and broccoli, too hot on the meter
Foaming at the mouth with jungle fever
Cat's in the toilet fishing for blenders
Eat my butter biscuit

There goes my girl, she's the one with the goiter
There goes my man he's the one with his 
cats in the butter
Vanilla Ice said "Word to your mother!"
Kids in the milk, Kids in the milk
I love your brother

There goes your man, he's the one driving 
the quarter
He comes from Japan, and I'll take your order
Taco Shamaya Bell, run for the boarder
Burn your ass like wheat in hell
And drink the bong water

Number two in the sink
Washing dishes in the toilet
Take mac out of the fridge
Fix the cheese and boil them

2. Extinction Event

8 billion years from now our galaxy will collide 
    with the andromeda galaxy.
But it's okay because in 5 billion years from now 
    the sun will explode destroying our whole 
    solar system.
But it's okay because every 250 million years our 
    planet has an extinction event, wiping out 
    60 - 80% of life on the planet.
But it's okay I won't live that long anyway.

3. Sooper Dooper

Sooper dooper social activist unity unicorns for 
    the advancement of everybody

4. Little Brown Ball

Little brown ball of shit
Pick it off the street and brown bag it
Set it on fire and sit
Behind your neighbor's bushes
Watch him step on it

And if you weren't always so mean to me
I'd probably be giving you candy

Little brown ball of shit
Pick it off the street and brown bag it
Set it on fire and sit
Behind your neighbor's bushes
Watch him step on it

And if you weren't always so mean to me
I'd probably be throwing you a Frisbee

Little brown ball of shit
Pick it off the street and brown bag it
Set it on fire and sit
Behind your neighbor's bushes
Watch him step on it

And if you weren't always so mean to me
I'd probably give you a handy

Little brown ball of shit
Pick it off the street and brown bag it
Set it on fire and sit
Behind your neighbor's bushes
Watch him step on it

And if the police come
It would probably be smart to run
Cuz when they find out what you've done
They're probably gonna call your dad and mom.

5. Luvsik Bandit

Death is knocking on my front door
Lucky for me there's no one home
I can't take this anymore
If you don't want me then what are you there for?

Watch out for the Luvsik Bandit
He's down on his luck
He's been caught red-handed
Show some heart for the Luvsik Bandit
He's sad and in love
And that's not how he planned it

Demons are sitting on my front lawn
I think they want ice cream, but I could be wrong
I can't stay here anymore
I thought I was grown, I thought I was strong

Watch out for the Luvsik Bandit
He's down on his luck
He's been caught red-handed
Show some heart for the Luvsik Bandit
He's sad and in love
And that's not how he planned it

6. Nothing Bad

I found a good luck turtle
He's got lucky potential
I found a good luck turtle
He's with me
Nothing bad happens to me
He's with me.

I found a good luck tricycle
It is no ordinary bicycle
I found a good luck tricycle
It's with me
Nothing bad happens to me
It's with me.

I found a good luck dinosaur
He's got a mighty roar
I found a good luck dinosaur
He's with me
Nothing bad happens to me
He's with me.

I found a good luck Neil
He's got the real deal
I found a good luck Neil
He loves me
Nothing bad happens to me
He's with me.

I found a good luck Flossie
She is not that bossy
I found a good luck Flossie
She loves me
Nothing bad happens to me
He's with me.

7. Put The Cookie Down

Put the cookie down.

8. Nice Dreams

The only time you're happy is when you're asleep
So shut the door and close your eyes
Nice dreams

The bears driving Cadillacs
The squirrels are swimming with the rats
The moose is doing the jitterbug
The skunk he just wants a hug
The owl's singing lullaby
The camel wants to go inside

Open up your lazy eyes
Go outside and be alive
Stop attempting suicide
We'll all be sad if you die.

Your only friends are in magazines
So shut the door, drop your drawers
Nice dreams

Precious is carrying a basket of fruit
Amy's making hot dogs in the nude
Stacey's soaking wet washing her car
Girlies show their breasts at a Key West bar
Skylar is getting off in the playground
Sunny gets naked when no one's around

Button up zip, your flies
Put on a shirt and go outside
Stop attempting suicide
Mumble mumble mumble and live your life

9. Chicago Seesaw Massacre

Kill all the killers
And mug all the muggers
Rape all the rapists
And hug all the huggers
Strip the shoplifters
And sleep with their sisters
Hate all the haters
And kiss all the misters

There's no justice for justice
No peace for the peaceful type
If you love all your lovers
Then why can't you sleep at night?

10. Birds and Bees

The honey bees stole my sugar
I've seventeen, I still eat my boogers
And I call you on the phone
But you won't get back to me
The apple buns sit in the oven
Something Something in New York now
And I'm not even close to getting over you

Days go by in the summertime
It's getting pretty hard to write without you
I miss you. Do you miss me?
I'm way too sad to eat and there's nothing on t.v.
If I count to three, will you love me?
My number's almost up and I ain't got no more weed.

Count Chocula lost his flavor
You were always pretty cute for a raver

 

11.  The Night That the Sun Ran Out of Gas

The mirror reflected black
A cut myself with the ax.

The day lasts all of two hours
The rest of the night is soon followed by whiskey 
    sours.

The bears died in their sleep
The bats took over the wheat fields
The engineer is mad
Cuz there's no use left for his solar shield

The day lasts all of two hours
The rest of the night is soon followed by whiskey 
    sours

12. Vikings of the Darkness

They pillage and plunder everywhere
Leaving darkness and despair
They're Vikings
Vikings of the darkness

Yo ho there they go
Burning churches and stealing gold
They're Vikings
Vikings of the darkness

Tonight the Vikings of the Darkness have laid siege 
    on the shores of America
Who's home will they ransack next?
Beware.  It could be yours.

They pillage and plunder everywhere
Leaving darkness and despair
They're Vikings
Vikings of the darkness 

Sloppy Kisses and Serious Guitars (2005)

		
Sloppy Kisses and Serious Guitars
2005
LV 44
1. bomit whale

this is a song
this is a song about juan fung
everybody dance and have some fun
huggabroomstik is number one

everybody have fun tonight
everybody juan fung tonight

this is a tale
this is a tale about a whale
japanese fishermen set sail
now he's a can of soup for sale

everybody's eating whale tonight
eating whale just isn't right
everybody's coming home for lunch these days
last there were skinheads on my lawn

this is the truth
this is the truth of sonic youth
they haven't been young since 82
the only thing sonic is their foo

2. you sucky dry

vampires are real
you sucked me dry
i was faint after i kissed you that night
vampires are real
you tapped into my veins
that's right you sucked my blood until i felt faint

look out for the signs
make sure she doesn't have fangs
pay attention real close
before it's too late

vampires are real
they're children on the night
i dated one for awhile
vampires are real
they sell candy on the train
i bought kit kat and asked her out on a date

CHORUS

CHORUS

vampires are real
i know the truth
i've got the scars t
that i've had since 1802
i hope you believe 'cause you're the one with the 
    sweet tooth

CHORUS

3. unstuk the pages

saw her in a magazine
unstuck the pages
girly girl of my dreams
nice tits
she's looking at me
and i'm staring at her

saw her in a magazine
unstuck the pages
girly girl of my dreams
nice tits
the girl was dripping
down her chin and all over her

turn the pages
different outfits
alternate poses
nice tits
she's bending over
in the shower
rubbing oils on her nice tits

saw her in a magazine
unstuck the pages
girly girl of my dreams
nice tits

4. i like rocks

i like rocks
rocks in my socks
rocks in my pocket
rocks in a rocket

rocks from the moon and
rocks from the sky
rocks in my room and
rocks that get you high

i like rocks
rocks in my socks
rocks in my pocket
rocks in a rocket

maybe you can buy me
a rock for my heiny
rocks big and flat
shiny i'd like that

i like rocks
rocks in my socks
rocks in my pocket
rocks in a rocket

rocks from the moon and
rocks from the sky
rocks in my room and
rocks that get you high

i like rocks
rocks in my socks
rocks in my pocket
rocks in a rocket

5. forrist whittaker

6. logging rites

before you build a new road
repave the old road

the loggers need their logging rights
the government complies
and no one gives a shit
if the world lives or dies

this one has a pothole
and this one has a ditch
driving down this road at night
can really be a bitch

7. rainbow of shit

shit rainbow
what the hell did you do with
shit rainbow
shine with shit from the cosmos
shit rainbow
oh how i love to read your glow
shit rainbow
only one color do you ever show

8. sucky reprise

9. vincenzo

Ultimate Huggabroomstik (2007)

Ultimate Line-Up:  Dashan, Neil, Dibs, Johnny, Chris, 
Preston, D. Mike, Stefan, Brer Brian, Luke, Sam, 
Simon, Julie, Robert, Betsy, Hi-Kool, Sara, Linda

Produced by Mark Ospovat and huggabroomstik

Recorded at: Emandee Studio/Care-A-Lot Studio/Johnny, 
Julie, and Robert's Apartment.

A) Times Table

tell them they've got the times on the table
they've got the times on the table
they do

next time you've gotta get the mission done
they won't get the mission done
they've got to get it
they will

resting on the bed
they said leadership
they'll be back again

the people didn't die
they didn't die today
the president didn't die
he's better

B) The Sun Warms It's Self

ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba

he's got a brain that won't sit still
jumped out of his head and off the window sill
and with an empty skull man he couldn't react
he fell to the floor with blood dripping down his back
well now he's free and he's free on the streets
bouncing around like a rabid peice of meat
well the sidewalk's hot cuz it's the middle of july
and our pal brain, he starts to fry
in the sun

let me introduce you to a rat named chuck
chuck, well he's straight out of luck
he can't find a way to make an honest buck
so down on a soup line he is stuck
then he comes up with a plan he says with his old stuff
and bought a ticket on a trainsit truck
what's on the surface he puts on his cool shades
the ones he's had on now for many a days

now listen up about this one pretty girl
she was standing outside when by lightening she was struck
at the time it hadn't started to rain
i blame it all on that trickster david blaine
well anyway like our pal the brain, she was fried
fell to the floor, she coughed and then she died
her corpse alone in the grass of divine
especially when the people there peak at the shine
from the sun

C) Don't Get Angry Baby

D) Jail Bait

E) Scope Of Time

your age 14 billion years

you can't even grasp the vast scope of time

F) Ever Expanding

ever expanding
maybe it's time to bring it back
ever expanding
will you ever cut tracks?
ever expanding
will you ever bring it back?

G) The Night When The Pman Couldn't Pee

it was the night that the pman couldn't pee
he gave away all of his weed and acid
it was so sad
it was the saddest night on the planet

oh pman why can't you set your urine free?
have you tried pissing on a tree
or twirling with the WC?

oh pman
how come you couldn't pee?

H) FFL

I) Duck Hunt

J) Mushroom clouds

apocalyptic mushroom clouds of war
clouds of psychedelic mushroom spores
it's over when the atom splits
blue fungus and bullshit
where was i going with this metaphor?
i forget
so i abandon it

K) Suddenly Something's Changed

L) Sounds of Time

girl, i'll meet you in the sounds of time
eternity is not for me unless it is divine
girl, i'll meet you in the sounds of time

if you have a rotten heart, i'll give you part of mine

we'll live on love and turtle doves sauteed in pickle brine

are you friends with slog
are you friends with the frogs and dogs?
are you friends with the loggers or the logs?
are you friends with me?
are your friends all machinery?
do your friends have fleas or disease?

is it a tick or is it a tumor?
is it a fact or is it a rumor?
will it come quick or will it come sooner?

girl, i'll meet you in the sounds of time

girl, i'll meet you in the sounds of time
praire dogs and unicorns dissolving into slime
girl, i'll meet you in the sounds of time

frogs and smog and lincoln logs have all learned to survive

where fleas are not the enemies of tumors on your spine

M) Tickle My Time Machine

i would like to spin it back six hours

you've got yourself in a pickle
you've got to tickle
tickle my time machine

N) Automatron

hats on in the rain
there's something weird about being in one's self
hats on in the rain
the source of talkative is in the reply
hats off in the rain
randy made a mess, made a mess of his life
randy made a mess, made a mess with his lies
hats on in the desert rain

unmade to be made up again
what was made to begin
i heard him talk about leaving his girl
unmade to be made up again
unmade what was made to begin
i heard him talk about restraining the wheel
unmade to be made up again
unmade what was made to begin
heard him yell about, had a fight with his girl
hands on if you want me to stay
hands off when i'm trying to escape
hands on if you want me to stay
hands off and i'm walking away

don't let my son go driving tonight
he's not in the right state
everything's gotten out of control
some things time can't erase

we'll never live that long, gloria

finding his way to automatron

cars crashing on a highway
more chaos than you've ever seen
went under sudden coma
now he's facing eternity
develop in her stomach
waiting for his time to be
still thinking he's not a robot
brainwaves splash unconciously
caretakers, nurse and doctors
faces that he's never seen
half shaking on a sickbed
fingers tap out a constant beat
airdrums and.........
when there's no more kicking babies
tubes form the breathing
and wires to supply protein

O) Gyroscope

what can i say about gyroscope?
it reminds me of an isotope
cool and refreshing as i spoke
sliding down a climbing slope

girl you remind me of a gyroscope
i wanna do physics experiments on you
gyroscope

P) don't let the sun shine into your grave

maybe there is some kind of solar radiation 
entering the atmosphere 
causing the dead to rise from the ground
so when you're out walking
there could be something stirring
look for light beams shining
motovating zombies to roam through the town

don't let the sun shine into your grave
or you might wake up a zombie slave
don't let the sun shine into your grave

when i die please make sure my grave is sealed up tight
protect my corpse from sunlight
i don't want to wake up hungry
for the flesh of the living
cover me with dirt and ash
wood and steel encasing my ass
cover me with twigs and slime
bandages wrapped around my gutted insides

don't let the sun shine into your grave
or you might wake up in a fire cage
don't let the sun shine into your grave

or maybe i'll a mummy
if for any reason this plan should fail to prevent me
from becoming a zombie 
you must trap me in a cave
and set that cave ablaze
and if i'm immune to fire
you better put twigs together
and send me to outerspace

don't let the sun shine into your tomb
or you might wake up on the darkside of the moon
don't let the sun shine into your tomb

i don't wanna burn like dracula
i don't wanna feed like dracula
i don't wann be a slave like dracula

Q) invitation to leave

i'll never forget the time that we first met
you were so uneasy
so i said something cheesy
things went black
when you turned your back
what have i done
to make you gone?

i'll never forget
the time we first met
what came out of my head?
what was said?
a really bad joke
that i spoke
then you turned away
was it something i said?

i saw you again
by then we were friends
we were friendly enough
to play rough
and things went black
when you knocked me off my back
now this time i'm the one who's gone

here we are again
are we really friends
that all depends 
on a number of things
like the presents you bring
and how i am feeling
will we hit it off
or will i ask you to leave?

do you remember now?
we were young and volitile
you don't have to force a smile

now i realize that when i said these things
it was just an invitation for you to leave

do you remember now?
we were young and volatile
you don't have to force a smile

so leave if you wanna leave
but we are not free

R) throw your own heart away

i hate to be a heartbreaker
but i don't know what else to do
so i won't hesitate
to cut your heart in two
you put me in a tough position
so i guess i'll have to be a physician
cut out your heart and give it to you

i didn't want things to turn out this way
but since they did i'll have to say

i'm throwing your heart away
there's nothing you can do or say
don't try to fight it
throw your own heart away
and i'll throw my heart away

S) oxygen rich uncle

lost in space
what was going on in your brain
lost in space
knowing that you'll never be saved

your oxygen tanks have only 30 minutes left
plenty of time to panic

drifting in space
farther away from the station
drifting in space
come to terms with your situation

you left your cyanide pill 
in your other pair of pants
bet you wish you had it

your oxygen tanks have only 20 minutes
reflect on your existence

hoplessly lost
say goodbye to those you know and love
hopelessly lost
only more to be afraid of

your oxygen tanks have only 15 minutes left
by now you just want it to end

into the void
pretty soon your life will be finished
into the void
try to enjoy your last minutes

your oxygen tanks have only 7 minutes left
before you choke to death

your only regret was that
you didn't have a contingency plan
five minutes left and you went insane
you took your helmet off
and your head exploded in space

T) love or

when you make that face
what's on your mind
what's behind your eyes
when you lick your lips
what a sign
what's behind your smile

is it love
is it love that you're thinking
is it love or?

when you raise your brow
what's the
what's inside your eyes
when your raise your arms
what do we spend
what is in your reach

is it love
is it love that you're planning
is it love or?

when you make that sound
what's in your throat
what have you been putting in your lungs?
when you lift your lips
what's underneeth them?
what are you saying with your smile?

is it love
is it love that you're feeling
is it love or?

fooling around
or what?

U) lesbian prom night in space

it was lesbian prom night in space
there were bull dykes all over the place
it was totally gay
in a cosmic way
there was pussy on everyone's face.

V) PETA pamphlets for pussies

W) narcoleptica

X) enter the wormhole

step into the wormhole
set the controls
to detonate the space station
all systems go

self-destruction sequence
is online and ready
initiate countdown
all systems hold steady

you continue to love
what are you gonna do?
you need to recruit
a super group

could this be the end of the universe
could this be the end of the universe
this can't be the end
i've still got my friends
and things could be worse
than a life in reverse
this is not the end
of my universe
only yours

pee man said that we gotta skip town
we gotta skip town 'til the heat dies down

Y) shine-o-rama

you shine on
and i'll shine on
together we'll shine on and on

Z) message from space

this will be my last communication
your constant correspondance is causing frustration
i'm a state of constant suffering because of this distraction
please cease and desist or i'll be forced to take a course of legal action
sincerly, outerspace
end transmission